a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
