Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
