and next time when you feel me up, do it right
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
