Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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