And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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