I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
