I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
