I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
