I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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