So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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