i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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