My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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