its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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