3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
