Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
