I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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