she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
