Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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