We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
