you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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