I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
