The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
