Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
