I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
