last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
