i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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