My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
