We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He did a backflip because drugs
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