i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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