Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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