Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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