one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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