I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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