You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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