do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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