i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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