i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
