it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
