sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
