If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
