nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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