plz talk dirty to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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