He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
