I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
