Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
