kristin has been a bad kristin
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
