so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
