I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
