butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
