the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
