I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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